Wednesday, January 30, 2013

I Ain't No Chicken

My whole life I’ve felt like a contradiction.

Born and raised in Colombia I know the language and customs like the back of my right hand, but born and raised by Americans I look and sometimes act like the front of my left... (Ok, bad joke. Right and left hands have nothing to do with anything except that when I was really young my mom told me I used to be a lefty but then I got into a car accident when I was four and from there on out I became a righty).

...I became a righty because my left hand got messed up real bad and so intuitively I started using my right hand, and to this day my left hand has always been second best.

In the same way, and for being a dual citizen, whenever I’m in the States I intuitively let my American nature dominate my personality, and whenever I’m in Colombia I intuitively let my Colombian nature dominate my personality... Sometimes I pull a fast one on people and I’ll conversely use my American personality when I’m in Colombia or I’ll use my Colombian personality while I’m in the States, but that’s just on rare occasions so that I can psych people out or receive some sort of extra benefit for adhering to either culture.


While I’m not ambidextrous, I am bi-cultural and for me there are a whole lot of advantages that come along with that reality which I am conveniently able to use whether or not and whenever or not I am in Latin America or North America.

Besides being a contradiction of cultures though, I’m also a compilation of cultures, and fortunately as a part of this compilation, I likewise have a compilation of passports... (and I have two in fact) - one blue one and another one brown.


The blue one can get me into just about any country in the world except for Cuba and the brown one can keep me out of just about any country in the world except for Cuba ... (as well as Colombia of course).

...The brown one also got me into the Colombian military once, and if it weren't for the huge effort I made in talking to every higher ranking soldier I could find, I could have remained in the Colombian military for two whole years (they let me out temporarily until I cleared up my status in the capital city because I was in the wrong jurisdiction, I am short sighted, I was nice to them and bought them snacks and made phone calls for them, and I convinced them that starting churches was more important than fighting wars).

I’m really glad I didn't have to spend two whole years of my life in the military because I feel like sharing the gospel is more important than killing people (although in some cases I am in complete agreement that killing some people in some cases may be completely legitimate), but I’m really bummed out about the fact that a lot of times Colombians have been known for killing some people in some cases illegitimately.

Either way, there are estigma’s or generalizations that I have had to deal with my whole life whether I be in the States or whether I be in Colombia, and while at times it has had its advantages, at other times it can kind of become a drag... For instance, Colombians are often looked down upon as guerrillas and drug dealers, and Americans are at times looked... (I don’t know whether up or down - but regardless they are looked upon) as both materialists and movie stars.

Believe it or not, Colombians are a lot more welcoming to Americans in their country than Americans are to Colombians, and that’s probably because movie stars and materialists generally aren't considered that bad, while guerrillas and drug dealers definitely are considered pretty dog gone bad, but it’s just so ridiculous to categorize a whole nation for something that just about 1% of the country is involved in just because those are the people that attract the most attention (Oook so maybe there’s a whole lot more than 1% of Americans that are materialists, but I’m pretty sure that there’s a whole lot less than 1% of Americans that are movie stars just like there’s a whole lot less than 1% of Colombians that are guerrillas or drug dealers).

Either way, within the United States, Colombians can at times be looked down upon for either being violent or illegal people, and though I have usually always bypassed this type of negative racial profiling for looking straight up American, it bugs me that most all my Colombian and Mexican brothers, or anyone else that even looks partially Hispanic, can at times be considered straight up violent or illegal just because of the color of their skin.
This guy actually was both extremely illegal and violent and his name is Pablo Escobar, and I think that it was totally appropriate that he was put to death.
In fact, there are a whole lot more undocumented Latins living in the States than there are violent ones, and in addition to this fact, just about all the undocumented ones that I know of I would generally consider as being very noble people that have a tremendously strong work ethic.

...Because take for instance the example of construction:

Just about every roofing crew I've ever seen in the United States is all Hispanic, and countless framing crews, foundation crews, and dry wall crews are frequently also all Hispanic as well.

...And It’s the same in farming, or in factory jobs, or in house cleaning companies too... just about everyone in these industries are Latin probably because they do really good work at really good rates and most North Americans wouldn't even want to do these types of jobs themselves. And if they had to, they would only want to do them if they were getting paid a whole lot of money to do so... a whole lot of money that in this nation’s present economy is simply not available.

...And that’s the main factor in most people’s minds.

Whether it be legal or illegal to hire undocumented Hispanics to do certain types of jobs is one thing, but whether it be beneficial to do so is quite another, and I would personally say that with reference to the latter question, and in just about all cases and for just about all parties involved, it indeed is very much beneficial for everyone, and doing away with all the undocumented immigrants in this nation by deporting them back to their own countries would be a huge problem for this nation’s economy.

For one, a lot of big factories would have to close up shop and move to other nations where they would start up physical plants there where they would be able to pay their workers less and therefore produce cheaper products which in turn would be more competitive in the global market, and if these countries did that, which countries do you think would be the ones to benefit the most for this migration of work?

...Well the countries that the work migrated to would, not the countries where the work migrated from.

Why? Well think about the States and Mexico for instance... Say a huge chicken plant such as Simmons Chicken (which by the way I worked at once for three days and I was one of only two white employees in the whole plant while more than a hundred of all the other workers were all Hispanic) ... say this chicken plant got busted for having hired undocumented workers and therefore the vast majority of all the employees there got deported back to say Mexico... what do you think would happen to the chicken plant?

Well, what would happen is that the chicken plant would want to hire regular North Americans, but at the going rate for which this company was paying its workers in the first place (which I remember was as low as about $7.25 when I worked there), barely no regular North American would want to even be hired under these types of conditions (which were pretty miserable both in terms of the type of work we were doing as well as the type of money we were getting for doing it), and so because of that, this chicken plant would then do one of two things.

One, they would raise the salary for each worker which in turn would mean less profit for them (because if they started raising their prices to match the additional expenses not as many people would want to buy their chickens), or two, they could just move the whole location of their physical plant to Mexico where not only could they hire workers for a rate far lower than $7.25, but they could also cut corners on a lot of other safety standards and sanitary standards which in turn would create a lower quality product and a lower standard of living even for the Mexicans that would start working for a company such as this one in their home nation after they got deported back there.

In such a case as this, who would the “winner winner chicken dinners” be? ...Well, the Mexican government would for one, because they would get the extra tax income from the chicken plant... and the other winners would be the really really poor and honest Mexican’s who never went to the US illegally in the first place who would now all of a sudden have really low paying jobs which is still better than no jobs... but besides that I don’t know who else would be the winner winner chicken dinners.

But what about the losers? ...Well the losers in this case would be one: The American government who would now have to pay to get the undocumented workers back into their home countries while simultaneously having less tax money from the chicken plant to do so; two: the American owners of the company who would now have to go through the hassle of changing the location of their physical plant; three: the undocumented workers who would now be back in their home country earning lower wages; four: the American people who would now get a lower quality product even if the price remained the same; and five: the chickens themselves who would now be getting killed in a more unsanitary environment...

But for me personally in my chicken plant career, I only lasted for three days because I got the job through a temp agency and right after I got it, I found a better job open up in a far less stressful environment and for a far better rate (which still wasn't that good at all because I was only getting paid like $9.50), but regardless, that was still a whole lot better than $7.25, and even though I enjoyed being around my Hispanic brothers... in jobs like that (and just as how America the Beautiful has taught me).. it’s all about the money baby!

...But anyways, I said at the beginning of this entry that Colombians are sometimes generalized as either guerrillas and drug dealers while Americans are sometimes generalized as either materialists or movie stars... and while I’m absolutely sure that I've never been a guerrilla or a drug dealer in my life, I’m not so sure that I've never been a materialist or a movie star...

In fact, whenever I’m walking along the street or paying for something at a counter, there have been a few times when people have told me that I look like Kramer...

Now, that's kind of weird, but what’s funny about that is that the Seinfeld show (from which Kramer comes from), is actually a show that is all about everything I just talked about...

Seinfeld was the first show in North America that was about absolutely nothing in which people were heralded for doing absolutely nothing, and in many respects this show has become iconic for contributing absolutely nothing to American culture ever since.

America used to be known for its hard work and for its “raising itself up from the straps of its boots”, but in recent history America has rather become known for getting as much money as possible by doing as little work as possible... and so if everyone wants to stay true to this new type of the “American way” then deporting all the undocumented immigrants back to their home countries is not the way of going about that...

And whether I’m a part of this “American Way” or not, I don’t know, and if I really do in fact look like Kramer, I don’t know either, but one thing I do know for sure, is that I ain't no chicken! man; and neither do I want to work in no chicken plant either.

I ain't no chicken because I've got enough guts to say that some undocumented workers aren't all that bad to have around even though I know a lot of people who will disagree with me, and I've also got enough sense to think that it should be perfectly fine to let certain undocumented types of people take upon themselves certain types jobs (eventually with the hope of taking any type of job) that help them and that help the economy... If that is truly what they want to do, and if letting them do it is benefiting them as well as Americans... then let them do it! [and whether I’m a part of “them” or whether I’m a part of “the Americans”, I already told you that I still haven’t figured that out yet, but one thing that I do know is that regardless, I’m pretty down with being either one just as long as doing so would in some way benefit me! (although on a larger scale I'm neither one because my primary citizenship is in heaven and in that culture what we think about is how we can benefit not ourselves but others)].

But is that the right attitude to have? Well, personally I’m not a real big fan of nationalists and I really don’t want to be categorized as someone that is ethnocentric either (although being patriotic at times I consider very appropriate), but yeah, I mean for me as a Christian - I don’t want to be someone that’s always dodging the law (unless of course that law went against my conscience), and so I’m definitely more than ok with paying taxes, and I’m definitely more than ok with following rules too, but one thing I do want to do for example is help change laws that in some way can benefit either me, or other people that I identify with as well, or with this nation as a whole.

One such rule is the Sanctuary City Bill and in essence what it does is provide certain cities of refuge for people who appear to be undocumented immigrants so that they can live and work without constantly having to look over their shoulders to see if cops are going to come and bust them exclusively on the grounds that “they look like they could be illegal”... in other words, racial profiling against anybody that has brown skin.

Now, I don’t have brown skin in the sense that I don’t look Hispanic by any means (I actually look pretty white Caucasian because that’s what I am), but being what I am I can honestly say that I have seriously experienced some of the most genuine and generous hospitality I could ever want for practically my whole life in a country replete with Hispanics... Yeah, a few of my friends would joke around with me every once in a while and try to talk to me in a goofy American accent, but my experience as a whole throughout my whole life in Colombia has been extremely positive.

Is it the same for the Hispanics here?

What’s ironic is that the majority of what all the Hispanics are doing in the States is helping the economy, and yet there are some people that don't understand that, or they have a thing against their color or language or something, and so they want to kick them out.

In the history of Mexico it could be said that the United States stole a whole bunch of their land back in the days of Sam Houston and Davy Crockett and Santana, and yet in this day and age Mexico is generally very welcoming to Americans and hospitable to them as well, even though that kindness is not always reciprocated.

...But yeah. Anyways, I mean even though I feel really strongly about all these things - the real issue I believe, goes far beyond nationalities or colors or borders or languages or economics or any of that.

There's a really alarming song by Switchfoot called "Politicians" and the chorus says, "I pledge allegiance to a country without borders, without politicians, watching for my sky to get torn apart," and what I think Jon Foreman is referring to here has to do with the city of God that will be fully established when the sky is torn apart and Jesus comes down on the clouds of heaven in glory (Matt. 24:30). He will reign over a city with no borders between nationalities, that will have no politicians swayed by different political agendas, but rather everything will be governed perfectly by Father God in his ultimate Theocracy.


...And what's remarkable is the second part of the chorus where Jon confesses, "I am broken I am bitter, I'm the problem, I'm the politician..." Because it's like he's admitting that he's just as much a part of this broken and bleeding world as anyone else, and that he's no better than any politician who may be living primarily for him or herself in the system that he or she governs. I mean that's really the whole point of a capitalist democracy isn't it? That it works so well because everyone is so selfish, and if you create a system that rewards people who work really hard for themselves, then it will probably succeed because that's what we as humans are most inclined to do. It's what we are equally inclined to do all across the board, and it is only by the grace of our Lord Jesus that we are enabled to live for His glory and for the good of our neighbor... (which I know that I don't always do, but which I desire to do so more and more). 

God is the only one that can empower us to live for others, and his kingdom is the primary one worth truly pledging allegiance to.    

Revelation five tells us that one day there will be a group of humans from every tribe, tongue, and nation all gathered together as one kingdom to reign on the earth and serve our God (v. 9-10).

Amen! Come Lord Jesus (Revelation 22:20).
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"When a foreigner resides among you in your land, do not mistreat them. The foreigner residing among you must be treated as your native-born. Love them as yourself, for you were foreigners in Egypt. I am the LORD your God."

Leviticus 19:33-34
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Pictures Cited:
http://www.time.com/time/nation/article/0,8599,1811660,00.html
http://www.armyrecognition.com/defense_army_military_world_worldwide_news_2010/january_2010_worldwide_world_news_army_military_defence_industries_industry_exhibition_equipment_uk.html
http://www.hark.com/clips/fvcxkcvdkb-my-boys-need-a-house
http://latimesblogs.latimes.com/movies/2011/11/pablo-escobar-movie-300-relativity-ashworth-stone.html
http://workingintheshadows.wordpress.com/2009/12/11/a-glimpse-inside-a-chicken-plant/
http://www.midcoast.com/~martucci/flags/us-hist1.html
http://www.thecampuscompanion.com/2012/01/19/top-reasons-study-mexican-edition/mexican-flag/

Tuesday, January 29, 2013

Even the Rain

There's a movie I watched recently that ren.der.ed. me. speechless man (and since then I've watched it three more times)... and I'm not even kidding you that it impacted me so much that I now consider it my favorite movie ever. It's called "Even the Rain" and it deals with the tension that exists between many of the indigenous people and the 'conquistadors' in much of all the Americas.


The movie is like "a movie within a movie within a movie" because it's about a group of actors who are filming a historical piece in Cochabamba Bolivia about the colonization of the indigenous people while they simultaneously do a documentary about what happens to their actors and their "extras" in real life.

Really ironic picture with Franklin and I and a colonizer statue 
...I don't want to explain the whole story, because it'd be cooler if you just watched the movie on your own, but basically, the craziest irony in it all is that the injustice and segregation that existed between the indigenous folk and the colonizers hundreds of years back - those injustices continue to exist today, in some form or another, between citizens of the higher classes towards people from the lower classes... especially against the  indigenous people for example, in countries like Peru and Bolivia.

There's a part where the actor who acts like the director (and yeah - I know that that sounds really contradictory but that's honestly the way it is)... the director feels like he's spent and he just wants to throw in the towel and quit filming, but his best friend who is charge of all the logistics approaches him and reminds him of the instance in which he realized that his friend had truly gotten inspired, and that this movie about showing the whole world the tragedy of the brutality and exploitation of the conquistadors towards the indigenous people - this movie was definitely worth finishing...

It was definitely worth finishing because the presently disheartened director had called his friend some seven years back at like two in the morning telling him that he had found a quote by a priest named Montessinos in the sixteenth century that was the first "voice of conscience" in the New World.

To this priest (and that, as if it were just one man against a whole empire), from a humble structure made of straw, it is attributed to have said the following:    
    

I am the voice of Christ from the desert of this island.
You are in mortal sin.
You live in it and in it you die.
One of the first pictures I took in San Jose (smiling Nukak man)
Why? Because of the cruelty and tyranny with which you use against these innocent people. Tell me this: with what right, and with what kind of justice do you so cruelly and horribly enslave these indigenous people who lived so peacefully in their lands? With what authority have you initiated such detestable wars with these people? With what right do you have them so oppressed? So exhausted and famished? They are dying because of our own fault! Or better said you are killing them! How could you be so asleep? How could you be so zoned out in this lethargic dream?... Look at the indians in their eyes! Are they not human? Do they not have rational souls? Are you not by chance obligated to love them as you would yourself?






Are we not by chance obligated to love our neighbor as we would ourselves (Mark 12:31)?

Yes, we are.

And I have never seen a better example of a group of people that are following through with this commandment so clearly - especially towards indigenous people - like the missionaries I got to serve and serve along with, when I lived in San Jose such as Johan and Lyda, Jack, Suso and Elga, America, Julio and Nadia, and Gustavo and Rosiris.

                    

           

              

...In contrast with the conquistadors that left it all in the sixteenth century in the pursuit of gold - these missionaries that I just mentioned left it all in the twenty and twenty first centuries as a result of the joy that the discovery of the love of Christ produced in them when they were compelled to share it with others (2 Corinthians 5:14-15).

Amen!

Would you like to join in this mission as well?

Above: Working with people from "El Refugio" community the first time I met them in 2009.
Top Middle: Visiting the Perafan parents from the Refugio community with some of my best friends from San Jose in 2010.
Bottom Middle: Acting like a goof with Adrian Perafan in 2011
Bottom: Nathan Harris and I visiting Adrian and his brother in 2012
Remark: All of the people from the Refugio community are really cool and speak Spanish but currently have no missionary working with them. 

Thursday, January 3, 2013

Peace On Earth?




A few months ago my uncle gave me a pretty neat little snap shot he had of my grandpa and I back when we were a little younger.

My grandfather has actually past away since then, as well as my grandma and my aunt, and so to keep my family’s history remembered, as well as to honor my grandpa’s request – my uncle passed on to me my grandfather’s WWII military uniform.


I think my grandfather and I had about the same height because the uniform actually fits pretty well, and especially his old satchel I use all the time. He used it to carry around his books and maps, and maybe a few emergency items to help his patients with; and I use it to carry around my Bible and my laptop... it’s kind of like the different tools we each use, albeit completely different centuries, to help us change the world.


Most masculine man purse ever.


I know that that’s a pretty big statement to the degree that some may say it's pretty presumptive, but I say it nonetheless because I really believe it's true - I really believe the message in the Bible can change the world.

And so yeah - anyways, the other thing that my uncle gave me as an important tool to remember history with was a compilation of pictures and documents that my grandfather saved from the war. All his pictures are in black and white, and I remember one summer day when I was like 12 that he sat me down on a purple couch in his living room so he could show me all those pictures.


In the picture to the left we're both sitting in the same living room that we sat at when he showed me the pictures, it's just that we're each about 10 years younger because there's no way that I could have possibly even started to understand those pictures at the age of 2.


They are really horrific pictures, more horrible than anything I have ever seen, but they are real, and that’s the point - that’s the reason for why my grandpa showed them to me. He showed them to me so that I wouldn't be someone who would ever deny reality, and specifically, he showed them to me so that I wouldn't ever be someone who would deny the reality of what happened in World War II.



Above: Bodies piled near crematorium upon my grandpa's arrival at Dachau May 1945. To the left: One of my Grandpa's patients with amputated leg (15 years old).  

I think my grandpa wanted me to be sensitive to injustice and to see an example, embodied in himself, of someone who stood up for the ruthless and terrible evils of the Holocaust. I think he wanted me to be conscious of and concerned for the helpless and the oppressed, and I think he wanted to show me that he was courageous, as I imagine he hoped that one day I would be, in helping victimized people if ever that day demanded it from me.

Maj. Jack Killins and Lucazewski by their jeep in Bacarat, France March 1945.
My grandfather* as well as many other men and women sacrificed a whole lot of themselves (and in some cases their very lives!), so that you and I could enjoy the freedoms that we have today. They did it because they saw a tremendous injustice and were not willing to let that injustice slide by as if it wasn't their problem.

Above: My grandfather with other members from Team Europe (In both pictures he's the tallest one standing) To the left: Maj. Killins and Ralph Demrau at Camp Twenty Grand.


I respect that, I admire it, and I'm grateful for it.

But taking this theme a little deeper though, why is it that injustice happens? How could the Nazis so unabashedly slaughter so many Jews just because they were Jews? How could they starve them and torture them and do experiments on them and incinerate them or suffocate them in gas chambers? How could German soldiers implement such terrible atrocities to a whole race simply because they were ordered to do so?


Prisoners to the left and bodies of deceased prisoners to the right shortly after the arrival of allied troops to Dachau.   
Even more than that, how could God allow it?

Where in the world was God when all these crazy monstrosities were going down?

Where in the world is God today when the big time hurricanes hit, when the Connecticut school shootings go down, when various North African nations endure months of famine on end, or when the North Indian slums never improve? Where is He when dictators rise, when genocides strike, when loved ones die, when relationships break, or when any number of other devastating things occur?

Why does God forsake us like that?

...To be honest, I don't know that I can fully give the complete answer to that question, but I know that the primary solution to it comes from another Jew who was born into this world about 2013 years ago. A Jew who saw a ruthless and terrible evil but was not willing to let that reality slide by as if it wasn't His problem.

While many Jews living in Europe during the mid 40's suffered tremendously under Hitler's Nazi Regime, there was another Jew around 33 A.D. that suffered even more tremendously under Herod's rule of the jurisdiction of Nazareth...

The intriguing thing though is that it wasn't even Jesus' excruciating crucifixion that was what made Christ's death so devastating. The worst suffering Jesus had to endure didn't come from any mortal man. The worst suffering that Christ had to endure came from God Himself... In a very real sense it was God that killed His Son (Isaiah 53:4,10).

...The only reason why pain and suffering exists in this world is because sin exists, yet that doesn't mean that God is not loving because the truth is that He has provided a remedy for it. God isn't aloof or oblivious to sin and suffering - it breaks His heart so much that He stared it straight in its face and dealt with it in the most radical way possible.

God dealt with sin by sending His own Son to be tortured and to die on the cross to free us from it (John 3:16). Jesus is no stranger to suffering, in fact that is what He is most known for (Isaiah 53:3-5,7).

I said earlier that I didn't think I could give a completely adequate answer as to why any number of devastating things occur in this world or as to why so much pain and sorrow exists, and I asked why God at times seems to so heartlessly forsake us in the midst of them - but actually I can't really ask that question because the truth is that He doesn't.

See, that was the whole point of why Jesus had to die. He had to be forsaken so that we could be forgiven; and we have been forgiven so that we would never be forsaken.

Jesus was the only one that could ever cry out "My God, My God, why have you forsaken me?" (Psalm 22:1, Matthew 27:46, Mark 15:34), because He was the only one that was truly forsaken by Him... Notice though how Jesus in the midst of this total abandonment by His Father, still refers to Him as "My God", therefore implying that at the very epicenter of God's total abandonment of Him, He still believed in Him...

In Hebrews 13:5 God promises that He will never leave us or forsake us - and remember how in my last entry I was like making a really big deal about how we shouldn't think that we can ever help God?

Well the reason for that is because He's actually the one helping us, not the other way around. The very next verse in Hebrews 13 affirms that, because God will never leave us nor forsake us, "we can say with confidence, 'The Lord is my helper; I will not be afraid. What can mere mortals do to me?'" (v. 6).

I know that this might be starting to get a little crazy for some of you, but if you've stuck with me for this long, let me just make one last analogy about these things that I've been saying in relation to a couple more songs that I've thought about recently.

There's this really curious line that Jon Foreman says at the end of "Gone" from Switchfoot's Beautiful Letdown album where he makes reference to a question that Bono supposedly asked at some point, and the lyrics go like this:

Every moment that we borrow
Brings us closer to the God
 Whose not short of cash
Hey Bono I'm glad you asked
Life is still worth living

...According to this Hebrews 13 passage that I've been mentioning - right before the author of Hebrews quotes the passage where God says, "Never will I leave you and never will I forsake you," the admonition that goes beforehand reads, "Keep your lives free from the love of money and be content with what you have."

So that fits in pretty nicely for what I just quoted from "Gone," but anyway... as for what Jon Foreman is referring to when he says,"Hey Bono I'm glad you asked" - I'm not entirely sure - but maybe what he's referring to has to do with the questions that Bono asks at the end of his song "Peace on Earth" from U2's album All that You Can't Leave Behind when he brings up all these really difficult issues of pain and sorrow and then asks this:



Jesus can you take the time
To throw a drowning man a line?
Peace on Earth
To tell the ones who hear no sound
Whose sons are living in the ground
Peace on Earth
I hear it every Christmas time
But hope and history won't rhyme
So what's it worth?
This peace on Earth?


...Basically I think that what Jon Foreman is saying is like, "Hey Bono, I'm glad you asked those questions. And yeah He can. And it's worth a lot. And life is still worth living."


...But then again that's really just what I think he's responding to. I'm just guessing because honestly I can't know for sure...




All this is from God, who reconciled us to himself through Christ and gave us the ministry of reconciliation: that God was reconciling the world to himself in Christ, not counting people's sins against them. And he has committed to us the message of reconciliation. We are therefore Christ's ambassadors, as though God were making his appeal through us. We implore you on Christ's behalf: Be reconciled to God.
God made him who knew no sin to be sin for us, so that in him we might become the righteousness of God.
2 Corinthians 5:18-21  


* Although it's really tough to admit it; from an instance that I remember my dad talking to my grandpa about it a few years before he died, my grandfather had the same question that I've been talking about of "if God is so loving, how could he permit such tremendous suffering in this world?" ...And unfortunately to my knowledge, my grandfather never found that answer in Christ.