Phileo Stands For Friends

Heeeey there everybody! Sorry/not sorry for taking so long to let you guys know about the birth of our son... Praise God everything seems to be very good. Alejandra is recovering steadily, as Jackson Phileo Killins Muñoz is crying and growing and sleeping and eating like a champ... It was amazing for me to see and hold him for the first time, and cry just about as much as he did, and sing to him, as I praised God because of him. My heart is divided as I care so much for Alejandra, and also care so much about Jackson... Honestly, I haven't been able to process that mix of emotions very well (especially as I add to it - that terrible tendency of always thinking about myself, and realizing that now Alejandra also has her heart divided)... It tore me up to see Alejandra suffer so much while I knew that I couldn't suffer with her in the same way while she was giving birth... And then on top of that, to love our boy so much, knowing that he caused my wife so much pain... I look at little Jackson and hold him and love him and then I feel this huge sense of curiosity as to who he is?... It's like I want to know him, and then I remember that it's up to Alejandra and I to teach him and train him, even while we also just want to let him be himself.

There's this other super weird emotion that I'm feeling - and it has to do with all of you. In one sense Alejandra and I want to share our joy with everyone, but in another, we don't want to flaunt Jackson around. We know that some people really love us, and we want to honor you, but I know that I often fail at doing so (I'm sorry, will you please forgive me?)... We don't want to hurt anyone, as we know there are many who would like to be blessed with marriage and children but aren't - and then there are many who are suffering a lot more than we are - and it's like, "man, that's not fair" ...I wish I knew how to better empathize with people, and I never want to come off as being arrogant... I also don't want Alejandra or Jackson to be hurt by anyone, and I always want to protect them ...I know a bunch of people don't care about anything I say, and that's fine; and then there are those who really do care, and that's awesome... Even still, there are some who read what I write to try and find fault with me, and that's fine too - as long as you say who you are, and you talk with me about it before you talk to others; or as long as you don't start swinging punches and then run away and act like nothing ever happened.

Anyway, sometimes you could look at the Killins family and see how far we fall short, and other times you could look at us and see how loving God is, and how, especially in our weakness, God's grace is sufficient, and His power is made perfect.

Some of the first people I contacted once Jackson was born (after our immediate families) were our friends in Venezuela and the church in Cucuta... Despite the struggles that many of our Venezuelan friends face - it was awesome to share our joy with them, and see how they selflessly rejoiced with us. This last Sunday I preached on 2 Corinthians 11 (and I said it then, and I'll say it now) - it's crazy to me that Alejandra and I can get away with 'robbing' individuals and churches in the States and Scotland - all for the benefit of churches and friends in South America whom the majority of you guys don't even know (v. 8)... Alejandra has been very kind to let me get away on Sundays and go to two different churches, as I try to keep serving as best I can... I can't wait for Alejandra to join me again, and for Jackson to meet all our friends.

Both our immediate families have been really helpful and attentive to us here in Bogota, and it's been super cool to have my sister Suse and my niece Aliyah here to accompany us and teach us how to take care of our new-born.

The little snuggle munchkin is pretty cute and calm and comparable to Alejandra in a lot of ways (praise God!) but he does have some pretty sweet sideburns - just like me.

Merry Christmas, Sam, Alejandra, and Jackson Killins Missionary Profile: